2012 in the rearview mirror

Were I a sensible person — the sort who plans ahead for stuff and thinks about Things Of Signficance like the weighty tread of the old year as it drags itself out the door — I’d have thought about this sooner and have a very nice, reflective, insightful post about the past year. I’m not that sort of person, though, so instead you’ll get a bit of rambling and then an otter gif.

In early February, when Rubi left to join the Dark Side, I was given the incredible opportunity to fill her role as Massively’s GW2 columnist. I’ve blogged about the game before and been involved in the community for quite some time, but this was, uh, a whole ‘nother level of dedication. Massively’s been such a tremendous joy to be part of, and such a huge instigator for personal growth. I can’t imagine the last year without all the awesome people there. About the same time as I joined Massively, I started making regular appearances on Gamebreaker TV for GuildCast (which I was a fan of long before it made the conversion to live vidya). Between those two venues, I’m just flabbergasted by the number of cool geeks I’ve gotten to know and talk to.

Going to PAX East for my first convention as an ~*official press person*~ was a real treat, mainly because of Eliot and Matt, two of the awesome Massively people I was just talking about. Between East and Prime, I was delighted with a number of opportunities to geek out and be around really, really neat people.

It’s a little bit difficult to think and talk about this year without using Guild Wars 2 as a sort of framework. Going from signing up for the GW2 beta to pre-purchasing a copy the first day I possibly could to actually being able log in and play (while blogging those experiences weekly) has been quite the fun journey.

I’ve made significant progress toward some life goals that I’ve been aiming for for quite some time. The year certainly hasn’t been a walk in the park — quite the opposite, at times — but I’ve been so, so grateful for the opportunities I’ve had, the people who’ve made it a stellar year, and all the good and marvelous things that have happened.

A whole year is a big thing to tackle. There’s plenty of stuff, big and small, that made it awesome — like solving some kick-ass investigation missions in The Secret World, a fantastic 24 hours of livestreaming video games for a fabulously successful charity fundraiser, watching the season finale of Game of Thrones or hearing The National’s The Rains of Castamere cover, and spending quality time with amazing people (both in- and out-of-game).

tl;dr: 2012 was great and I have high hopes for 2013; here have an otter.

Extra Life 2012

Tomorrow I’ll be taking part in the Extra Life 2012 gaming charity. It’s kind of like the sort of thing where someone promises to dye their hair bright purple if only folks will donate a certain amount of money to a good cause, only I have a lot more fun playing games than dying my hair cool colors. Also, there isn’t really a minimum set goal. I’ve raised just short of $500 at this point, and I’m hoping to have more by the end of tomorrow — but even if I just stick at what I’ve got now, I feel like that’s a pretty dang worthwhile contribution.

I wanted to take a moment to talk about this whole thing.

What does Extra Life do?

Extra Life raises funds to support the Children’s Miracle Network, which is a collection of about 170 hospitals throughout North America that focuses specifically on helping — you guessed it! — children. The CMN has two main goals:

1. Help as many children as possible by raising funds for children’s hospitals.
2. Keep funds in the community in which they were raised to help local children.

Why am I supporting this?

I strongly feel that charitable behavior and support of good causes should be a part of every day life.

I don’t necessarily want to go through a list of all the ways I try to incorporate that into my own life, but I do what I can. I don’t pretend that doing that sort of thing makes me a good person — it just makes sense to me to do. Charity and supporting worthwhile things is a part of my basic worldview.

I’m not an endless font of money. As I said, I do what I can, but it’s not like I can dump thousands of dollars onto every organization that catches my eye — and even if I could, there would be so many other good causes that would go unhelped. So I donate clothes, or do things like Pink Day in LA and the Relay for Life. In this case, I play video games. I’m streaming those video games because it’s a way to build community (if people watch), and as a way to draw more attention to the whole thing. If anyone on my donor list feels that watching me be a prat in Guild Wars 2 is a good bonus to the feel-good reward they’ve already totally got by being awesome and donating to the cause, so much the better.

Extra Life is particularly near to my heart.

Kids — especially sick ones — are pretty dear to me. A while back, I spent a lot of time as a volunteer working with special needs children. I saw a sweet girl names Rebecca every week for almost two years. I also spent some time as a habilitation care provider through the Department for Developmental Disabilities. When I still qualified for pediatric care, I went through years that included rounds of brief hospitalizations (including one stay of over a week), tests, scans, and medicines. I want to make the experience of other kids in similar (or any) circumstances better — not because mine was bad because of the hospital or staff, but because I totally know what it’s like to be a scared, hurting child in a hospital.

This stuff matters to me. If I can help bring any awareness or support to this sort of thing, I call that a win.

Besides, when else can I say that I’m “earning” $17+ an hour to play video games?

(You can find my Extra Life page, including a list of what I’ll be doing with my 24 hours, here.)

What consent is NOT

“It wouldn’t have been rape because she consents even though she’s scared and doesn’t want to do it.”

Let’s take a look at a couple definitions of consent.

“It means that at the time of the act, there are actual words or physical conduct indicating freely given agreement to have sexual intercourse or sexual contact.”
[source]

“Consent assumes a physical power to act and a reflective, determined, and unencumbered exertion of these powers. It is an act unaffected by fraud, duress, or sometimes even mistake when these factors are not the reason for the consent.”
[source]

“Sexual activity requires consent, which is defined as clear, unambiguous, and voluntary agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity… Consent cannot be obtained by threat, coercion, or force. Agreement given under such conditions does not constitute consent.”
[source]

Let me be straight: at this point, I’m not even worried about this as it pertains to [fictional character being discussed]. I’m tremendously worried, however, that there are people out there who can say things like “It wouldn’t have been rape because she consents even though she’s scared and doesn’t want to do it.”

That is, quite frankly, terrifying.

the world that still lacks a name

Of the godless ones who wandered far from the company of others, little was heard.  When they left in pursuit of fulfillment, they were driven by their thirst for peace.  As two great hosts they set out – one to the North, and the other to the vast stretches of the South.

It was those who wandered North who first saw the Endless Sea, which stretched before them as they emerged from the northern jungles.  They sent what river-craft they had out upon it, but such were never seen again when once they floated out of sight across the glimmering expanse.  Rebuffed by the sea, most of the godless retreated to the inland jungle, though some small few remained along the margin of the eternal waters.  Those who retreated reveled in the closeness of the trees, and grew learned in their secrets.  Those who stayed beside the Endless Sea were content, at first, to be observers.  They began to chart the stars above them and the patterns of the restless waters.  In these and other studies they passed many generations, until at last they began to work towards the creation of seacraft, and to set out upon the waters – though, due to their long memory, they never again tried to cross the Sea, but accepted it as limitless.

The host which left for the South grew quickly divided.  As they passed through the densely wooded mountains , some felt their thirst for travel dulled, and made for themselves a home where the clouds gathered on the face of the mountains.

love and things

I think the problem lies in the persistent idea that there is one true and perfect love out there for everyone, and if you don’t find it, you’ll be doomed to unhappiness.  I’m not going to debate the idea of a single perfect love, since I’m sure it’s possible. My argument is against the second half of the idea – that if we don’t find that one someone, we can never be really know what love is about.

Because of that fear, I feel that any number of people leap after any stirrings that might feel like love. People are so sure that love is what they’re suppose to chase after, that that person might be the one, that they don’t often consider the idea of not acting on those impulses.  The problem with that is, of course, that there are many people that one might find loveable.

I’m just gonna leave this here…

No, really – I stumbled across a quote the other day that is pertinent to some conversations that have been going ’round in my head and in my life, so in case I ever want to formulate a post about it, I want it on hand.

 

Not being assaulted is not a privilege to be earned through the judicious application of personal safety strategies. A woman should be able to walk down the street at 4 in the morning in nothing but her socks, blind drunk, without being assaulted, and I, for one, am not going to do anything to imply that she is in any way responsible for her own assault if she fails to Adequately Protect Herself. Men aren’t helpless dick-driven maniacs who can’t help raping a vulnerable woman. It disrespects EVERYONE.

source

it doesn’t mean that things aren’t sometimes confusing, that lines aren’t occasionally blurred

The difference between physical affection and actions that suit physical desire is an interesting one to me.  I find many small gestures to be much more significant, meaningful, fulfilling, and enjoyable than other, more overtly pleasurable, acts. I think it’s because for certain gestures, there is no real other point than conveying some sense of emotional closeness.  A kiss to the forehead, a brush of the cheek – these things are rarely meant to satisfy any physical desire. Likewise, one of the most enjoyable kisses I’ve ever received was as he-who-did-the-kissing was on the way out the door to go to work: it wasn’t a desire kiss, there was no chance of it leading to anything greater. It was simply an affirmation.

I am not saying that one is better than the other: there is the satisfaction of emotional desires, and it is separate but not necessarily better than the satisfaction of physical ones.  Both have their turn, and any preference is, I feel, more a momentary judgment of need and circumstance than any real, objective goodness.